It rained. A steady yet gentle rain came straight down on the cemetery, wrapping it in privacy. Discreet sign reminded us to social distance. We made our way slowly toward the place where we would say good-bye to her. There was the usual covering over the grave site but no chairs. There was no escape from the reminders of COVID-19. At first we paused at the edges of the shelter with our umbrellas, as if afraid to get to close to each other. Gradually we moved in just enough to get out of the drizzling wetness. Some stayed along the edges with umbrellas still up to keep them dry. It was a private service with less than two dozen people attending. Masks hid our smiles but not our tears. Ours is a hugging family; we hug when we first meet; we hug when we leave. Not many hugs on that day.
No minister. Service led by her granddaughter. A prayer, a bible reading. Poetry readings. One written by the granddaughter. One written by my sister to be read at her service. A hymn, “When We All Get to Heaven” sung by Alan Jackson, played on a small speaker. Each of us placed a white rose beside her urn and a spray of flowers. A prayer. We left in the rain. I will miss her bright spirit.
BARBARA ANN MITCHELL
1935 – 2020
Pre-pandemic we would have gathered after the service at a church or a home for food and fellowship. Not today. Daughter and Son came home with Husband and me. We sat in the living room, silently at first, as we drank wine. Bottles of cabernet sauvignon and chardonnay had been opened. Talk of hymns. I was too far out of practice to play any on my out-of-tune piano, so Son called up hymns from his phone and played them on the small speaker used for the service. Daughter, Son and I sang along across the room from each other. So many memories. Don’t attend church these days but I knew the words to every song called out. Husband must have thought the three of us were a little crazy. Wine and hymns? In the pandemic of 2020 it seemed an acceptable thing to do when you lose someone.
MY SISTER AND ME
circa 1948
What a sweet tribute to your sister, Jo Nell. I like the vintage photo and the hint of a smile. It looks like from Barbara Ann’s recent photo that you both smile similarly. I think a little wine and hymns sounds like a lovely way to say goodbye. I have been known to consecrate my grief with wine and it seems very fitting. May you and your family experience peace and joy as you continue the journey.
LikeLiked by 1 person
The old photo is one of my favorites of us. It rarely snowed in Freer. A little wine never hurts. I appreciate your kind words. Wishing your journey mercies.
LikeLiked by 1 person
A dreary day for a sad event but it sounds like you made the most out of it. I’m so sorry for your loss.
LikeLiked by 1 person
We did try to make the best of it. As it turned out, the rain was probably a blessing as the service was at twelve noon in the Texas August heat.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m so sorry for your loss, Jo. I am also sorry your family could not have the kind of service that you all would have if it were not for COVID. I guess when it comes to the end the memories are important. That is a lovely picture of the two of you. Peace be with you.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thanks, John. We promised to all get together when this is over! I love the old photo too. I wanted to do what ever my big sisters did. The snow was rare in Freer. Stay well!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thak you, Jo. You as well.
LikeLiked by 1 person
A sad day but a lovely tribute to your beloved sister. I am so sorry for your loss.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thanks, Dor. The rain just made it a bit sadder somehow but the service was beautiful and intimate. She really did not want a big service.
LikeLike
This sounds like a wonderful celebration of your sister. I hope someday the memory of it will cheer you. I am so sorry for your loss.
LikeLiked by 1 person
We did manage to make it a celebration of her and she was always ready to plan a party of any kind. Funny, Loren, when I am in a cemetery, I always think, “What would Loren think of this cemetery?” This one was very ordinary with same flat markers with plenty of big oak trees. She was buried next to her son who was killed in a rig accident over 40 years ago.
LikeLike
I’ll bet that was like a day you’d spent with your sister. Sorry for your loss.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh, yes, she would have joined in the singing but would not have drank the wine. Thank you for stopping by.
LikeLike
Wine and hymns sound like the perfect way to celebrate the memory of your sister. I’m sorry Covid restricted your hugs but I bet the love flowed freely. I’m so sorry for your loss.
LikeLiked by 1 person
It just seemed appropriate. And the love and memories flowed freely.
LikeLiked by 1 person
What a beautiful vintage photo of the two of you. Sincere condolences.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Cindy. The photo is one of my favorites. Rare snowballs and us dressed in coats.
LikeLike
I’m sorry for your loss.
A beautiful tribute to your sister.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much.
LikeLike
Thank you so much for the kind words!
LikeLike
My deepest condolences for your loss. It sounds like you gave her a beautiful service despite the virus, and I can think of nothing more fitting at such a sad time than wine, hymns, and close family.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes, I think she would have been pleased with the service. All she really wanted for her family to be there. Thanks for taking time to comment. Stay well!
LikeLiked by 1 person
So sorry for your loss. What a lovely tribute 💕
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Val. I hope she would approve. Thanks for stopping by and commenting.
LikeLiked by 1 person
So sorry for your loss. A beautiful and precious photo of you and your sister.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, Amy. Vintage photo for sure! Be well.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sounds like it was a perfect service in the midst of so much that is out of whack! So sorry for your loss.
LikeLike
We tried to make the best of it. Yes, so much is out of whack these days and we are challenged to cope.
LikeLike
Dear Jo, loved the photo of you and Barbara. You’re both so sweet in it. What a strange time. I was thinking of you the other day and watching the map, hoping Hurricane Laura wasn’t going to come your way.
How wonderful that you were able to gather, masks and umbrellas and canopy, to say good-bye to your sister. As you say, it’s what she wanted. Any good-bye without a little of bit of alcohol, both to celebrate a life and to numb the pain is always a good idea. And hymns, too. Memories will sustain us, keep those who aren’t with us any longer. Much love, Diana
LikeLiked by 1 person
We were spared a hurricane this time but we will be watching the gulf as it is the height of hurricane season. Thanks for thinking about us.
The service turned out to be very special and intimate even with the rain. It was held at 12 noon so we were spared the August heat. The temp went from high 90s to low 70s. Yes, I have beautiful memories to help me with the loss of my last sister. I am glad you approve of a little alcohol in time of need! Thanks for taking time to read and comment. I know you are busy with your book. Sending love and hugs back to you!
LikeLike
Peace to you and your family. May fond memories warm your heart and bring you smiles.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thanks, Frank. Yes, we had so many good times that make me smile. I hope all is well with you and that you are managing to have some fun. Take care.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Good to hear! All OK here … fun in COVID times is a bit weird, but hey – we’re doing well. I occasionally post over at Sorryless. (one up now … another probably next weekend). https://sorryless.com/
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sorry to hear of your loss. A difficult passing, I am sure, even on a normal day but during today’s expectations of social distancing…even more so. I am glad you have each other to sing hymns and share some wine. As you say, certainly alright to do during these times. Take care.
LikeLiked by 1 person
The hymns and wine were not planned but it did seem to help in these crazy times. With COVID19 the process of making arrangements seem to take even longer. We tried to make the best of things and be grateful for the support of family and friends. Always a pleasure to have you visit.
LikeLiked by 1 person
So sorry CC…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much, Clare. Take care.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh I am so very sorry for the death of your beautiful sister. COVID funerals are so hard to bear, no touching , no friends, no shoulders to cry on. . Yet you did well with the wine and the hymns to drown your sorrow. The photo of the two of you is beautiful.. May beautiful memories of her give you comfort as you go on without her. Take care of yourself.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for the kind words. And we had two other recent deaths but I was not able to attend those. The US has not handled the virus well. Yes, I have wonderful memories with my sister as she lived on an hour and a half away and saw her often. I love the old photo too. Funny, at the service I realized I was the oldest one there and am now the keeper of the family history. Thank you for stopping by. I hope all is well with you. Cheers!
LikeLiked by 1 person
It’s hard enough to lose a loved one, without having to have so many restrictions on the way you can mourn. I’m so very sorry! Honestly, I think you and your family did a great job of creating a meaningful memorial service for your sister, and sometimes drinking wine and singing hymns is exactly the right thing to do. It comforted your grieving hearts, and that’s all that matters.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes, I do think she would have been pleased as she did not want a big production. We have to get through these difficult times the best we can. Sometimes it takes a little wine – maybe it helps ward off the virus, who knows!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I am so glad you celebrated your sister’s life together with a small group of family and friends. Life is hard losing your last sister, made worse by the deadly virus. Take care, Jo Nell. Hugs
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, Judith. She did not want a big service anyway and somehow it was easier with a small intimate group. We will get together later when this is over. I used to always be the youngest but now I find myself the oldest and keeper of the family history.
LikeLike
Such a beautiful description of a painful experience of loss, made tougher by an infectious disease that keeps us apart from those we love. I pray for all your family. I’m sure your sister touched many hearts and they ache because they couldn’t give her the goodbye they would have liked to.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, It came out as sort of a stream of consciousness and was hard to write. I felt so badly that I had not been to see her since December because of the virus. She was 84 and had some other health problems but was doing so well when she died. Thank you for your words and prayers.
LikeLike
Despite the complexities of the time, it sounds as though your gathering was a good one: funerals aren’t productions for the public, but opportunities for families to comfort one another, and a sense of comfort suffuses your post. I smiled at the mention of Alan Jackson. It’s that sort of detail that says, “This was for her, and for us.” And I must say — hymns and wine sound like a perfect combination to me. It’s a different kind of communion, but communion nonetheless.
LikeLiked by 1 person
You are right, funerals should not be productions for the public and that was not what she wanted. It was very intimate and gave us comfort by the very presence of one another. We had Catholics who made the sign of the cross with prayers and a Baptist hymn by Alan Jackson, but we all sang along with him behind our masks. I know, only in Texas! Perhaps we did have a form of communion with our wine and hymns. Thank you for your comforting words. I could not make it without blogger friends like you. We will get through this pandemic with a little wine. Wishing you safe travels and fair winds.
LikeLike
Very beautiful tribute to Barbara.
You captured the day perfectly!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you!
LikeLike
I love the photo with the snowballs Jo, what a lovely memory. I’m very sorry that you had to go through this sadness, but this is a lovely tribute.
LikeLiked by 1 person
We didn’t get many chances to make snowballs back then and snow is still rare. Our family bonded that day in a way we had not before. If one can bond through sadness. But she had a good long life -84 years – and had fun along the way until the end.
LikeLiked by 1 person
My condolences! Lovely tribute!
Wine and hymns sound just fine.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Resa! It just seemed right. Nice to have you visit.
LikeLiked by 1 person
What a beautiful post about your sister, saying goodbye, singing sings and sipping wine, and bonding over a life well lived. At my mom’s service this summer, we weren’t allowed to sing (no singing in churches to keep everyone safe from saliva, etc.) So, we all drove to the beach and danced to a steel drummer while drinking beer in the ocean air. We celebrate a life the best way we can in a pandemic. You and your family did a beautiful job. And what a sweet photo of two sisters, snow, and family affection. ❤
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh, I am so sorry for the loss of your mother. You understand all too well that the virus makes even funerals a bit sadder. I am sure you missed that communal singing in church that binds us. So you too felt the need to celebrate a life – beach, beer and dancing sound appropriate. Life goes on. The old photo gives me comfort. I have one of me and my mother taken at the same time. Take care and thanks for the visit and encouragement for celebrations after funerals. I know my sister would have approved.
LikeLiked by 1 person
❤
LikeLike
I’d like to extend my condolences. My thoughts are with you.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I am sorry for your loss.
Take care
LikeLike
Thank you so much for your kind thoughts.
LikeLike
Thank you so much, Sheryl. We were very close but I have so many good memories to make me smile. Take care!
LikeLike
Dearest Jo… Tears spill over as I read your words…. The bond between sisters is so special… And to say goodbye is heartbreaking enough… But the rules of this cruel Pandemic are beyond words as to what it is doing emotionally and physiologically to families….
My sincere condolences dear Jo.. Love and Blessings to you and all of your family who are grieving… ❤
Love Sue ❤
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes, we were close as my mother died when I was fairly young so she was more than just an older sister. Thank you for your kind words. And because of the pandemic we had not gotten together as often. The blessing was that she was doing so well at home with a little help. When she died in her sleep it was a shock. Sending love and peace back to you.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I can imagine dear Jo the shock…. and like you and your sister.. me and one of my sisters are close…. She always says I was her Mum, as my mother wasn’t always mothering to her.. ❤ Love your way Jo ❤
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m very sorry for your loss, Jo. My heartfelt condolences to you and your family. Covid has changed the way we live, die and grieve. Your tribute to your sister was beautiful. Bonding over wine and hymns sounds like it filled a need. Peace, love, comfort and blessings to you, MW 🦋🙏🦋
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes, Covid changed everything. We had seen others face this when a loved one died but were not ready when it happened in our family. But I think she would have been happy with what we did to make the best of it. The wine helped! Thanks for the good thoughts. Sending them back to you.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I attended two Zoom room funerals and Zoom room gatherings with the bereaved since the pandemic started. It was strange, but the new normal now when a loved one passes. Wine helps and singing hymns releases the emotions pent up in our souls. My prayers go out to you. ❤️
LikeLiked by 1 person
Jo, I thought I had made a comment but apparently I didn’t. I am so sorry for the loss of your sister. I can just imagine how difficult it is for you and your family. Give yourself some time to mourn and take good care of yourself. Virtual hugs. Gerlinde
LikeLiked by 1 person
It is a crazy year for everyone. I feel for California with all the fires. Thanks for the kind words and encouragement. You take care of yourself too and stay safe and happy cooking.
LikeLike
My sincere condolences! Every line resonates with your emotions in your heartfelt tribute. I just loved the pic with snowball. Hugs and blessings to all of your family.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh, thank you for your kind words. We had good memories of growing up together and growing old together. Take care. Thanks for taking time to visit and comment.
LikeLiked by 1 person
A lovely tribute for your sister. The photo is so precious. My condolences to you and your family.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so very much for your words. We will miss her but were grateful she was doing so well before she died and was living at home where she wanted to be. I love that image of us too in rare snow as we offer up snowballs.
LikeLiked by 1 person
It is very difficult to lose loved ones. I am sorry for your loss.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much for your kind words.
LikeLike
Wine and hymns sound like the perfect thing to do – both in ancient times and now.
What a beautifully-written tribute to your sister, Jo Nell.
And there was something so tender and loving about it – the small, size, the simplicity of the graveside ritual, the gentle rain — that it seemed a perfect way to say goodbye.
Plus the wine and hymns at home.
Big (virtual) hugs, dear Jo Nell.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks for the kind words, Cynthia. It was hard for me to write so I just quickly typed my feelings out without much editing. There wasn’t a lot of formal planning for the service but it came together in such a special way. And some of us had not seen each other since the virus hit. My sister would have been pleased at our efforts. The wine and hymns at home with only Husband, Son and Daughter helped. Virtual hugs back to you! Take care!
LikeLike
Nice blog
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you,
LikeLike
Thank you for sharing this moving post Jo Nell
LikeLiked by 1 person
And thank you for taking time to comment.
LikeLike
So sorry for your loss. Hugs.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much!
LikeLiked by 1 person